Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about having another baby — it was only recently that I was even open to the idea. I simply felt my heart and energy was only big enough for Piper and the idea of sharing that bond with anyone else felt scary and sad. The thought of taking away from what we have with Piper was such a heavy feeling I wouldn’t let it enter my mind. I look at other women with kid’s Piper’s age who are currently pregnant or already had another baby and wonder what the heck is wrong with me! I couldn’t bare the thought of nursing a newborn when all I want to do is cuddle with my ever-changing toddler.
I’m scared I’ll feel heartbroken about the loss of this special time when I should be elated about being pregnant and having another baby.
At quick glance it feels like most parents are obsessed with their first born. Becoming a parent is a life changing experience, and your every moment is now focused on your tiny baby who eventually becomes a wild 19 month old who demands all of your attention and love. Every minute of the day. I wonder, will it feel like this with a second baby? Will Piper’s milestones be less exciting? And vice versa, will we be as elated when our newborn rolls over, smiles or will that be old news?
But recently something changed. I turned a corner just a few months ago where the idea of having another baby has started to excite me — it’s as though something just clicked and I almost feel ready.
Are these feelings normal? I have to think they are.
I still get a wave of sadness when I think that Piper won’t be the light of our family. This space will be shared. I wish I could hold onto this time forever, where our whole life revolves only around her and nothing but her. I also know that I very much want and hope for her to grow up with a sibling(s) close in age and know that a new kind of joy will be in our house with another baby.